May 30th commenced as a typical night: after a rousing debate with other bar patrons about the Packers O-line, health and the stubbornness of Japanese dog breeds, Bilibob stumbled toward home. He had visited his usual three bars in town, and hit another for a nightcap en route to his apartment, not an uncommon occurrence. After the latter he stopped for his typical bathroom break at the Kwik Trip and, again as usual, fed his leftover cheese curds to the hairless cat that lived in the dumpster.
As fried cheese fell from the cat’s mouth and drool fell from Bilibob’s, he pondered part of the earlier conversation about health and his future in this pandemic-stricken world. He vaguely recalls considering, “Will I get Covid again? What if Andy’s right, my time on this planet is almost up? I should get another American Eagle inked on my arm!” At this point, Bilibob’s memory became fuzzy, and whether the events that transpired next were entirely accidental or the earlier health topic led to a subconscious decision may never be known.
What is known is that Bilibob became disoriented and, rather than enter “Sorry Mom Tattoos,” instead wandered into the Shawano Health Center. After mumbling incoherently to the first person in sight, a nurse whisked him down the hall. The nurse, who wished to remain anonymous, only understood the words “eagle,” “needle” and “Rodgers,” which clearly indicated to her that this man wanted a vaccine.
After the shot, Bilibob was released and staggered home, throwing up several times in front of his door before getting inside. He awoke nauseous, with a numb arm, red patches covering his body, and a dim recollection of the quickest tattoo ever. After a little hair of the dog, he decided (consciously this time) to go to the hospital to see why the tattoo had yielded such aftereffects.
Billibob was upset to learn he was pricked by a needle that only left red blotches and bizarre hangover symptoms rather than a symbol of American pride, but decided the hospital knew what was best for him. He is currently saving to get his vaccine card tattooed where the eagle would have gone.
