London, UK—Information is not always hidden or esoteric, but time may be necessary for it to sift through the colander of culturally appropriate thought. Once that happens, those ramifications become breaking news, and through that passage of time, oppressive, racist ideologies are recognized, drawn, quartered and cancelled, although the most recent threat to oppressed people poses quite the conundrum. Karl Marx—the founder of Marxism and affiliated class- and race-based socialist ideologies positing that white men are destroying the universe—was himself a white male, who consequently must have been bent on destroying the universe.
Now all 423,650,345,603 identified progressive democratic socialists and their ancillary ilk in the United States of Anarchy, er, America have been philosophically turned upside down by this racial revelation. The fact was only recently recognized, when well-intentioned socialist history buffs attempted to circulate pictures of their dogma’s originator, assuming the person would be a minority, or at least only a half-white woman.
But now all those socialist-derived theories espoused by progressive ideologists and social scientists are being called into question. If this idea of white male-dominated bourgeoisie—known to oppress and exploit anyone unfortunate enough not to be born white and privileged—was in fact founded by a white male, what credence could it hold?
“The state of confusion for us socialists is palpable,” activist Rodrick Alfonsus summarized, very disheartened. “We know how much white men oppress everyone and they don’t know it. But that means Marx didn’t know he was an oppressor too, so we can no longer accept his teachings. It’s a paradox like going back in time and becoming your own grandfather.”
This confusion extends across a wide spectrum of personal truths that are steeped in socialist thought, even extrapolating to a crisis in the religion based on Marxism, the Denomination of Natural Character (the DNC), which has fronted many current movements. But since Marx was a white man, and all ideologies relating to socialism are without exception derived from Marx, they must be unequivocally oppressive as well.
What happens when the messiah’s philosophy contradicts its own mantras? Only those adhering to that philosophy can opine, so we reached out to several socialist activists in the DNC for their thoughts.
“I can’t listen to a white German man, that’s basically like listening to Hitler. Tell me something good he said, other than enacting gun control?” Demanded by the Reverend Jeremiah Wainwright Washington Bascomb.
“How could this happen? We were just making progress against capitalist tyranny, now all our politicians still holding onto these ideas need to be impeached.” Inez Crkovich bemoaned the situation.
“White men are at the base of all treachery against minorities, and all thoughts from Marx must be cancelled. I’m moving to North Korea.” Declared by Elise Vasquez-Tchotchke.
“I’m just glad more white men are being cancelled, they’re in the way of us demanding recognition that the ruling class controls capital, law enforcement, and exploits labor of the unfortunate proletariat.” Brittany Soo Wong declared. Upon pointing out that’s actually derived directly from Marx, she shouted “racist” and threatened to call the police.
Since the various Marxist philosophies and religions are losing membership quickly, an exodus to other schools of thought has occurred, with the destinations varying by demographic.
Many white male socialists were already under strain from supporting a philosophy that actually excluded their viewpoints, so they sought a more welcoming ideological place in the Church of Scientology. Scientology is not as friendly to non-whites though, so BIPOC had to look further: to the free and open arms of radical Islam.
Of course, while the appeal of 72 virgins drew many men from this demographic, women of color who are not yet transgender felt excluded. Thus began a growing movement to the lesbian peace activists called Buddha Bush. The remains of those leaving Marxist teachings are scattered across other schools of thought, with one man saying he decided to become Jesus and move to a bowling alley in Southern California.
